By | September 9, 2021

Parenthetically, I’m on a caffeine fast. I started on Sunday and am most of the way through a week and am doing pretty well.

This will be the second time I’ve tried weaning myself completely off caffeine. The last time I tried was a decade or more ago when I tried going cold turkey at the beginning of Lent. I had been drinking in excess of a pot of coffee a day at that point and all sorts of bad things were happening, like my nodding off behind the wheel of a car because my sleep at night had been so poor. I wasn’t able to function at all going cold turkey so I cut back to one cup of coffee a day and then went cold turkey again with two weeks to go in Lent. And I survived. My head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton balls for a while there but I managed to tough it out. I stayed off caffeine entirely for six months to a year before slowly adding back caffeinated sodas and tea, but I never did go back to drinking coffee. I’ve managed to rationalize consuming other caffeinated products by saying “well, at least it’s not coffee.”

But with all that said, I can truthfully say that I’m not (currently) the kind of person who needs a cup of some hot caffeinated beverage just to get going in the morning. Some days I don’t have any at all and some days I have a whole pot of tea. But it’s not a “I have to have it to function” kind of thing.

Now, though, I’m trying now to cut it out entirely. No Excedrin, no caffeinated tea, no caffeinated sodas, much much much less chocolate, and so forth. I’m doing this for two reasons:

  1. Insomnia. I have terrible insomnia. It seems to have no direct, obvious connection to caffeine; I sleep just as badly on days I have little to no caffeine as on days that I have plenty. But with my doctor trying one thing after another and in ever increasing doses with little to no beneficial effect, it’s worth a try to see what happens if I just cut caffeine out entirely.
  2. On the way down to North Carolina for our Outer Banks vacation, Carole and I listened to most of an Audible Original audiobook titled “Caffeine: How Caffeine Created The Modern World” by Michael Pollan. Pollan made a good case that without caffeine, the Industrial Revolution and the era of colonization would never have gotten off the ground. (Ask yourself when London suddenly had coffeehouses on every corner and then ask yourself what else got going around that time.) But he also compared caffeine to other psychoactive drugs and pointed out that many of us will literally never know what the world would be like without the brain-altering effects of caffeine in our system. He talked about his own caffeine fast and what it was like before, during, and after and I found myself going “you know, it’s probably time I tried one of those myself.”

I don’t regard abstinence from caffeine as an especially virtuous thing. It’s just that there’s always been a part of me that resents the idea of being chemically dependent on something. I’ve never smoked, never done narcotics, and while I do drink alcohol on occasion, I remember acutely what an ass I was back in college when I drank a lot and consequently try to avoid repeating that mistake. I don’t think my life will suddenly be transformed into something magical and wonderful with bunnies and rainbows and stuff overnight, but I do hope that getting caffeine out from behind the steering wheel could have some beneficial effects.

Leave a comment!

2021 NAMI VT Walk — October 9

By | August 10, 2021

Hi, all!

I’m a long-time member and supporter (and former treasurer and board member) of NAMI Vermont — the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Vermont chapter.

As someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder, I depend heavily on the efforts of NAMI to advocate for the rights of those who suffer from mental illness, to make sure treatment and care is available to those who need it, and to offer support from peers and for families. There are few nonprofits out there that matter more and that touch so many parts of our lives.

This October 9, NAMI Vermont will hold its annual fundraising walk in downtown Burlington, starting at the Unitarian Universalist church at the top of Church Street. The event starts at noon. All are welcome.

I am captain of a (currently very small) team called “Music for Mental Health” and it would mean a lot to me if you would join our team and help raise funds, or, if that’s not an option, sponsor the walkers on our team.

Our team page is and you can sign up or donate right there at that link.


— Carole Elaine Furr

Leave a comment!

The Mysteries of YouTube

By | April 19, 2021
So some of you may be active enough on YouTube to know that you can’t “monetize” your “channel” unless you have over 1000 subscribers and over 4000 hours of viewers watching your videos in the last 12 months. Monetization means you can add advertisements and such to your videos and get revenue from them.
OK. Deep breath.
So I’ve been getting notifications every day of one or two people subscribing to my channel. No idea why they’re doing it, but there they are, regular as clockwork, one or two notifications a day. And today, I apparently crossed the 1000 subscriber mark — and, as it happens, have also exceeded that 4000 viewing hours mark.
I say this because, today, I got the email everyone wakes up every day of their life hoping to get:
But — the question inevitably comes up: what the hell are they watching?
I don’t have that many videos on YouTube. And nothing I have out there is worth watching unless you either know me well or you’re really bored.
So let’s check, shall we?
Sorting by number of views, my top videos are:
That’s right.
  1. Three minutes of cement mixer trucks driving by
  2. An ice cream truck driving up to my former employer’s office building
  3. Another cement mixer truck video, this one with holiday lights attached, taken one New Year’s Eve

The views kind of drop off after that — a video of my wife’s sometime concert band playing the theme from Hogan’s Heroes, the local minor league baseball team’s mascot shaking its ass at the opposing dugout, and a 360 degree video of the Richmond, VT July 4th parade. And so on down from there.

So I have to ask: what the hell is it about cement mixer trucks? And ice cream trucks? I mean, really?

And what makes a person, after watching three minutes of cement mixer trucks driving by, go “I don’t want to miss any more videos like that — I’d better subscribe!”?

Leave a comment!


By | April 8, 2021

Covid-19 vaccine update:

Carole has had both her shots — several weeks ago, in fact, through her employer. She works for Burlington Housing Authority and they have a population of elderly residents in some of their buildings, so as it happened, the state went ahead and offered all BHA staff shots at the same time those elderly residents were getting theirs. Nice!

I had to wait until this past Monday to get my shot — I didn’t qualify as part of any priority group so I had to wait until Vermont allowed the 50+ cohort to register. My appointment was for Monday, April 5 at Montpelier High School, about a half hour from my house and less than a mile from the Vermont state capitol. It was apparently State Employee Volunteer Day at the Montpelier vaccination center; lots of the people doing non-medical tasks (like reading off screening questions, taking temps at the door, checking people in and out) were state employees who had been given paid time away from their jobs to go help out. I was signed in, for example, by Vermont’s current Lieutenant Governor, Molly Gray.

I received the single-dose Johnson and Johnson vaccine instead of one of the two-dose vaccines — that was just what the vaccination center had that day. No need for me to go back and get another shot, so I guess I should circle April 19 on my calendar as the day our household will theoretically be 100% safe, or as safe as safe can be.

For some strange reason, a New England Cable News reporter and cameraperson singled me out from the dozens of other people arriving for their shots and filmed me at several stages of the process. I got filmed getting my temperature taken with one of those forehead thermal scanners, got filmed getting checked in by Molly Gray, got filmed getting the shot, and got filmed in the hallway outside after it was all over and asked my opinion about what the governmental employees volunteering meant to me and how I felt about getting vaccinated. I gave permission and signed a release and all that, but I still don’t know why they looked at me out of all the others and said “Him!” Perhaps I just looked so utterly completely middle-of-the-road safe/boring that they figured I’d make for a good vox pop.

The footage aired that night on local NBC channel WPTZ and on the NECN cable network itself. If you’re really, really bored you can watch the WPTZ version here. The NECN version, which is a bit longer and also features Vermont’s Governor, Phil Scott, getting his vaccination, is here.

Leave a comment!

Feline progressive dendritic cell histiocytosis

By | December 11, 2020
Fat black cat hunkering on the floor, with line visible on her left side where her stitches were taken out

Marie, post stitch removal

We hadn’t either until recently. One day, when I was grooming our oldest cat, Marie, I noticed that she had a strange raised lumpiness on her skin about halfway down one side. I thought at first it might be scar tissue from the time Carole cut her skin open trying to trim matted fur (Marie does not do a good job cleaning herself) but it turns out that that cut was on her hip; this was on her side.
We took her to the Richmond Animal Hospital and they’d never seen anything like it; they took a cell sample and sent it off to be analyzed but the results were inconclusive. They asked us what we wanted to do and I said “well, I’m open to surgery if that makes sense”. So they first tried to schedule us in at the Peak Veterinary Referral Center in Williston, but they were scheduling out to January. So the vets here in Richmond said they’d do it. They shaved Marie basically bald on that side of her body and found that she had not one, but four of those strange lumps on her side — one large and three smaller. All were removed, stitches were put in, and the tissue was sent off to the oncologists at Peak.
We took Marie back a couple of weeks later for the stitches to be taken out, and then yesterday we took her to see an actual oncologist and dermatologist at Peak. Their conclusion: feline progressive dendritic cell histiocytosis. It’s not at all common. Something similar apparently happens more often in dogs and in dogs apparently the lumps go away of their own accord.
In “a proportion” of cats (don’t you love medical trade journal terminology?), the disease leads to tumors and stuff internally, so they suggested an ultrasound and an X-ray. I don’t know what I would have done if they’d come back and said “OH DEAR LORD IT’S EVERYWHERE” but they didn’t — they came back and said there were no signs at all of anything unusual.
Throughout all this, Marie has had her regular appetite and hasn’t shown any signs of feeling bad, so we’re hoping that this is just one of the lesser cases that doesn’t progress any further. They did recommend we have her checked every three months or so to see if her lymph nodes have enlarged or anything like that.
What makes me bring all this messy feline medical data up here on Facebook is the cost, frankly. I think we’re up around $2,500 in bills so far — initial exam and labs, surgery, removal of stitches, visit to oncologist/dermatologist with ultrasound and x-rays… it’s all cost a lot. And yet, I’d do it again; Marie may not be the friendliest cat (she was, we assume, abused in the house she lived in before she wound up at the Humane Society) but I want her to be happy and healthy. I wasn’t about to go “well, we’ll just let it run its course and if she starts feeling bad, we’ll have her put to sleep.” She’s a family member and she deserves to be treated like one.

But that said — we’re very fortunate that this expense, while frustrating, is something that won’t absolutely wreck our household finances. As I sit here thinking about this, I can’t help thinking about (and feeling bad about) all the people out there who aren’t in a relatively Covid-19-proof line of work and who couldn’t possibly afford all this… whether for a cat or an actual human member of their family. It pisses me off that Senator McConnell and others are playing politics with stimulus checks — and that we’re in this dire economic situation because our “President” had his head firmly up his ass. People shouldn’t be in a position of deciding whether to get health care for their family (human or cat) or, instead, afford to buy groceries.

(I should mention that this episode just reminds me again how terrible cancer is. Marie’s condition is not even technically cancer, I think… but worry over her “strange lumps” was upsetting enough when it was a cat. Now imagine how bad you feel and how worried you’d be if a loved human member of your family got a diagnosis of cancer and found that it was already metastasizing. Cancer may be inevitable, but no one should have to make choices such as “well, I have to divorce my husband so I’ll qualify for this low-cost insurance program that will treat my cancer”. No one should have to worry about the cost of necessary treatment for life-threatening health conditions. Our society is beyond f___ed up. Our priorities are crazy wrong.

Leave a comment!

Orchestrating Change: Tonight!

By | September 5, 2020

The documentary, “Orchestrating Change“, that I’m a featured subject in airs nationwide on PBS Plus/PBS World tonight at 8 pm EDT and again at midnight.

I created a Facebook event for people to help people remember to tune in:

Facebook event

The documentary is about Me2/Orchestra, the world’s only orchestra dedicated to people with mental illness and their friends families and allies. The documentary was filmed in 2017, went through post-production for a year and some change, and has begun being shown at film festivals. Tonight, however, will be the first time that it airs on national television.

I mention this not because of vanity, but because I think it’s a really worthwhile film that a lot of people will enjoy and learn from. Me2/Orchestra has changed many people’s lives for the better, including mine.

Check your local listings for “Orchestrating Change” on PBS World/PBS Plus and tune in tonight!

Leave a comment!

BLM Update

By | June 17, 2020

For what it’s worth:

Here in my little (4,000 people) town in Vermont our government consists of a five-member elected “Selectboard” which usually meets every other week during normal times, but which has been meeting weekly during Covid-19. Via Zoom, of course. Meetings have a tendency to drag on due to citizen comment — and due to the fact that we’re all comfortably seated in our living rooms and don’t have to sit in a large conference room on wooden chairs fidgeting if we want to take part.

For a few weeks, the “how can we make the jugheads who obstinately refuse to wear masks start wearing masks?” question was much bruited about. Under Vermont law, apparently the Selectboard could actually have made it mandatory with fines (and, theoretically, imprisonment) if they’d really wanted to make the lives of the local police department a living hell, but they went instead with “requiring posters to be put up in all businesses telling people very strongly that wearing masks and practicing social distancing is a REALLY GOOD IDEA”.

Of course, that all took a back seat to BLM the last couple of weeks. I was pleasantly surprised during this Monday’s meeting where citizen comment was invited on the subject of flying BLM flags at the town office and/or along the streets that every single person who spoke was in favor in one sense or another, and only one person got peevish about “well, sure, fly a BLM flag, but don’t buy it from the actual Black Lives Matter people, they’re a partisan arm of the Democratic Party.” (Sigh.) Of course, the people who don’t want BLM flags flying probably knew better than to get on a recorded Zoom call and say so. Jerks are out there, though – we heard from one guy, a former Selectboard member at that, who had put up a BLM sign in front of his house (a 4’x6’ sandwich board style sign at that) only to have it stolen within a few hours.

Our town is overwhelmingly white and liberal so it’s easy to stand up and be all virtuous and denounce racism in all its forms, when in reality our own personal tolerance and acceptance is rarely put to the test. But that said, people did make some pretty intelligent, well-thought-out comments.

There was talk the last couple of weeks about holding a public forum to discuss racial equity and other BLM-related topics, but wise voices pointed out that absent any real kind of structure, it could easily turn into a big bash-the-cops session (even though there’s no sense that our small local police department has been anything but fair and professional). So we worked out that perhaps a small committee of people could meet to work out a plan for something more constructive… small group discussions, conversations, actions we could take. For the moment, we seem to be calling it the Committee for Racial Equity but we’re not married to that name. I volunteered to be on it, as did several others. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of it.

Leave a comment!

Black Lives Matter

By | June 11, 2020

Many organizations have been posting thoughtful, well-reasoned announcements regarding their attitude toward recent events and toward the Black Lives Matter movement.

We, Carole and Jay Furr, are just a middle-aged married couple with no special standing — but nonetheless, it seems wrong that our website is lacking any sign or testament of our attitudes and beliefs.

So here goes:

We are tremendously sorry that it took until the year 2020 for people to finally wake up and start saying “NO MORE”.

We are tremendously sorry for black and brown citizens who’ve had to give their children “the speech.” And who’ve had police called on them for just existing and being Americans. And for all those who have lost their lives via brutality, hatred, and society turning a blind eye. And everything else.

And most of all, we are sorry that so many people have said, for so long, “Why such a hurry to change things? Just wait, change will come in time.”

‘For years now I have heard the word “Wait!” It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This “Wait” has almost always meant “Never.” We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that “justice too long delayed is justice denied.”’

Martin Luther King wrote that in 1963.

Nineteen. Sixty. Three.

The time to wait is OVER.

The only way change is going to come is if we all stand up and tell the people who defiantly talk about their heritage as they wave Confederate flags that the heritage they speak of consisted of slavery and oppression and genocide. And if we tell the people who insist on saying “ALL lives matter” to demonstrate that belief by agreeing that BLACK LIVES MATTER too… and stop looking the other way.

We support the Black Lives Matter movement. Unequivocally.

Carole and Jay Furr
Richmond, Vermont
June 2020

Leave a comment!

Covid-19 claims another event

By | May 18, 2020

We just received word today that the four Susan G Komen 3-Day walks scheduled for 2020 have been postponed until 2021:

New England, August 20-22, 2021
Chicago, October 1-3, 2021
Dallas/Fort Worth, November 5-7, 2021
San Diego, November 19-21, 2021

Obviously, it was the responsible thing to do, both from a legal point of view and from a common-sense, health-focused point of view.

I was going to be walking in the 2020 Chicago Susan G Komen 3-Day, 60 miles in 3 days, but now am apparently going to be walking in the 2021 Chicago event instead. It’s going to be a little weird not taking part in at least one 3-Day walk this year (it would have been my 31st event since 2008) but obviously, in the end it wasn’t my walking that was important; it was the funding via donations from people like you.

Breast cancer hasn’t gone away in this era of Covid-19 and thousands of women (and some men) will die from it this year. The need for funding into research, treatment, and education has not diminished, and in order to continue funding key programs donations are needed now. (If you’re curious, incidentally, where the money donated to Komen all goes, click here:

Now, that said, I know that a lot of people are in some pretty dire financial straits at this point due to their stores or restaurants or other businesses being unable to open — or due to crippling medical bills, which is even worse. Please understand that I’m not saying “never mind that! sponsor me!” I’m only asking you to consider sending some money in to Komen to help keep their programs running if you can.

If you would be willing to sponsor me, I would be very, very, very grateful. You can donate at — and thanks.


Leave a comment!