Spectacularly bad

depressingDepression is rarely boring, despite what one might expect. I woke up Sunday morning (having slept in while Carole went off to church) with a full-on the-world-is-ending I-am-utterly-alone panic attack. I literally felt as though I was drowning, gasping for breath, my heart pounding in my chest like a jackhammer. Carole came home in the middle of it and had absolutely no idea what to do. I begged her to listen to me … I don’t know what I wanted to say… but I think I just freaked her out instead.

I made it to Chicago for this week’s work, having pulled myself together enough to make it past the TSA and onto my Burlington to O’Hare flight. I made it to the customer today, a half hour late, because it was almost impossible to get out of bed. I survived work today, but was certainly not my most productive. And now I’m sitting in my hotel room looking out on a lovely sunny evening, and all I can think is, how absolutely miserable I feel.

Biochemistry sucks sometimes.

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One Response to Spectacularly bad

  1. Sandra Dahl says:

    Oh Jay, I’ve not experienced what you struggle with but can I empathize? Is that the correct word? I can read, I can listen, I can send prayers with hopes for an easing of your frustrations and depression. Hang tight Jay, we’re back here in Vermont waiting for you. Know that your life line is here.

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